Death is Just an Excuse for Gaining Weight

I watch a lot of "reality" shows about weight loss, including "The Biggest Loser", "Heavy" and "I Used To Be Fat." Many times, the people trying to lose weight have some kind of breakdown which involves crying, yelling, revelations about past trauma and supposedly getting to the bottom of the reasons why that person got fat. Many times, the fat person has had a loved one die, which they claim led them to turn to food for comfort. I'm not sure I can buy that as an excuse for gaining weight. People have been dying since the beginning of man. Only in recent history has death become an excuse for weight gain.

The generation prior to The Baby Boomers, those born from approximately 1925 to 1946, were known as either The Lucky Few or The Silent Generation. Prior to that, the generation with birth dates from approximately 1900 to 1924, were known as either The Good Warriors or The G.I. Generation. Folks from these generations experienced just as much death as The Baby Boomers, Gen X and Gen Y, but obesity was not a consequence or an excuse.

When I think back on my childhood in the sixties, very, VERY few people were fat. So what's up? Why are people getting fat now because of death when death has been around forever? To me, blaming the death of a loved one for becoming obese is just another example of being a victim. Oh, poor me! My mom died. Or my dad died. Or my child died. Yes, it is sad. Of course the feelings of grief can be enormous and overwhelming, but it does not in any way justify eating mass quantities of food and gaining excessive amounts of fat. I've heard people say that food is their only friend. That's crazy-talk! Food is not a friend. It is simply fuel for the body. If food is their friend, why wasn't broccoli their best friend instead of pizza? Your dog or cat can be a friend, but you wouldn't eat them.

I know first hand the immensity of grief that comes with a loved one dying. My dad died in the hospital after undergoing open heart surgery many years ago and my oldest brother died suddenly, in his sleep, from a massive heart attack several years later. Neither was overweight, but both had heart disease. I felt totally lost after they died. For at least a year after their deaths, I could cry at the drop of a hat, so to speak. I'm sure during this time that I enjoyed eating chocolate. I love chocolate. When I am sad, chocolate tastes extra good and there may have been a few times when I would over-indulge. But.... That doesn't mean that I gorged myself on it or anything else. Nothing ever tastes as good as that first bite. It's all downhill after the first bite, but some people keep eating regardless. Besides, after having too much chocolate, I can definitely count on getting a headache and having my moods spiral out of control, so it didn't take many instances for me to realize it just wasn't worth it.

The bottom line is: I get what it means to want to take the sting out of grief. But turning to food will just keep you wallowing in that grief longer and years later, you will still be feeling the sting because of the weight you have gained. It leads to a downward spiral of turning to food, overeating, gaining weight, feeling bad, turning to food, overeating, gaining more weight, feeling worse, turning to food, gorging, becoming morbidly obese and diabetic, losing all self-esteem. All because you were trying to avoid feeling the pain of your loss.

Instead: Feel the grief. Don't try to avoid the feeling any longer. Feel it, sit with it awhile, cry, experience all of it. Only then will it eventually begin to subside When it does subside, you won't need to turn to food for comfort. You will have found true comfort. If you avoid feeling your grief, and stuff it away, your body will hold onto those feelings and crave some relief from it, causing you to make unhealthy choices.

Let me know what you think! I love hearing from you!